Navigating the Holidays with an Eating Disorder
Holiday season is often a mixed bag of stress, fun, excitement and exhaustion. When you have an eating disorder, holidays are often anxiety inducing especially when so many traditions or activities center around food. If you’ve never experienced an eating disorder it can be hard to understand how consumed one can be around what they’re eating, how much they’re eating and what it might to do their body or appearance. It can be all consuming!
Here are a few tips to help you navigate the holidays if you are struggling with an eating disorder.
Plan ahead for meals or get togethers that you know will be difficult or challenging. Work with your support team on ways to navigate the meal that could be tricky. Practice role-playing in therapy around setting a boundary with a family member such as “hey, let’s not talk about diets or our weight at the dinner table.” Ask family members ahead of time to avoid food or body talk around you. At the dinner table, strategically place yourself away from family members that may trigger you. Practice visualization of the meal and what skills you will use if it gets hard or stressful. And remember to breathe deeply when feeling anxious!!!
Practice saying “no!” You don’t have to attend every holiday event or gathering. Check in with yourself to see what you have the bandwidth for. It’s okay to leave early or come late if you need to, or not go at all.
Come up with fun non-food related activities over the holidays. Create some new traditions that help you enjoy the season.
Have check-ins with your support team. If a family member or friend know what you are going through, check in with them frequently during stressful holiday gatherings. Schedule therapy or dietary sessions as close to a holiday or soon after to get additional support.
Work on your own self-compassion. Give yourself grace for lapses in behavior. Be kind to yourself and note progress you are making over time.
Engage in activities that focus on the positive. Take some time each day to identify something you are grateful for or a positive thing that happened. Engage in self-care that helps you to feel centered or grounded.
If you are a friend or family member of someone with an eating disorder, here are some tips for you in supporting your loved one.
Try to avoid food or body talk in your home, not just during the holiday season. So many comments are common in our society such as “Oh I’m so stuffed. I’m going to have to work this off at the gym tomorrow.” “I’m being so bad eating this cookie!” Be aware that those kinds of comments can actually be triggering to someone with an eating disorder. We are not “good” or “bad” based off of what we eat, and we don’t need to earn our food.
Try to focus the holiday meals around what people are doing in their life, what things people have been interested in, what future goals/dreams/aspirations are, and/or what each person is grateful for. We don’t need to spend our time talking about superficial things like our weight and appearance. Work on giving non-appearance based compliments such as “gosh, I love that you are so inquisitive and love learning.”
Ask your loved one how you can best support them. Each person is different so it’s important to not just assume what they need. See if checking in before or after meals are helpful. Come up with some code words they can use if they’re feeling overwhelmed and need a break or need to leave the table. Let them know you want to be a support, even if you don’t always get it right!
Don’t make a big deal of what they are eating in the moment. People with an eating disorder do not want to feel like they are being watched. Any concerns about food related behaviors need to happen at a different time, not during or shortly after meals.
Allow for a variety of dishes at the holiday meal that you know your loved one may be comfortable with. Some meals can be more stressful than others, and being mindful of this can help.
Give yourself some compassion and grace if you “mess up” by triggering your loved one. We will all make mistakes in this journey of life. Work together on how to make improvements in your home, and don’t expect yourself to be perfect at it either!
If you or a loved one are struggling, getting professional support can really help. The holiday season will never be picture perfect like a Hallmark card but working together can certainly make the process go smoother.