Radically Accepting our Bodies

A common theme for a lot of my clients is feeling uncomfortable in their body, engaging in unhealthy behaviors to try to change it, and seeing it as the enemy.  I’ve often turned to the skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) of Radical Acceptance when working through this issue. 

“Radical acceptance rests on letting go the illusion of control and a willingness to notice and accept things as they are right now, without judging.” — Marsha Linehan

This is a challenging principal in many painful situations, and especially difficult for my clients suffering with body image issues. It means accepting our bodies as they are now, not trying to engage in behaviors to try to control or change what our natural set point is. It is accepting that we all have different genetics, ethnicities, medical issues, gender and age that contribute to the size of our body. It means accepting that societal standards of “beauty” are unattainable, harmful and damaging to our sense of what a healthy body is and what it looks like. Initially, I get push back and hear “so I’m supposed to like how I look?” Ideally the answer to this is yes! However, radical acceptance isn’t about liking or approving of something. It is merely the act of accepting reality as it is now. It means accepting your body as it is today rather than focusing on what it could be or what it was in the past, or even what it was in your eating disorder. Radical Acceptance is also not stagnant, it is an active process. It is about doing things that help you to feel good in your body rather than focusing on sizes or numbers. It means actively engaging in healthy behaviors that will help you to eventually get to a place of being okay, hopefully even liking, your body. It means accepting that an eating disorder will never be the solution to liking your body or yourself. It requires an acceptance of healthy physical activity, balanced meals and intake, and learning to appreciate all that your body can do for you.  Radical Acceptance in practice is hard. It takes effort and awareness to continually turn your mind back to an accepting place. However, this practice can, and does, reduce suffering in life.  I’ve often gone back to the Buddhist philosophy that pain x non-acceptance equals suffering. The belief is we cannot avoid pain in life, but we suffer when we do not accept it. Such it is with body image. We may not have been born with a perfect body (no one in this world has!), and it can be painful to not have the body we want or think we “should” have. But we can reduce our suffering when we accept what we do have, when we look at how our own unique body is beautiful, and we let go of comparisons with others. Radically accepting your body will give you freedom to be fully engaged in life, using your body to be a part of this world rather than hiding from it. 

Below are the keys in Radical Acceptance from DBT Skills Training by Marsha Linehan (2015)

What is Radical Acceptance?

1.   Radical means all the way, complete and total.

2.   It is accepting in your mind, your heart, and your body.

3.  It’s when you stop fighting reality, stop throwing tantrums because reality is not the way you want it, and let go of bitterness.

What has to be Accepted?

1.   Reality is as it is (the facts about the past and the present are the facts, even if you don’t like them).

2.   There are limitations on the future for everyone (but only realistic limitations need to be accepted).

3.  Everything has a cause (including events and situations that cause you pain and suffering).
Life can be worth living even with painful events in it.

Why Accept Reality?

1.   Rejecting reality does not change reality.

2.   Changing reality requires first accepting reality.

3.  Pain can’t be avoided; it is nature’s way of signaling that something is wrong.

4.   Rejecting reality turns pain into suffering.

5.   Refusing to accept reality can keep you stuck in unhappiness, bitterness, anger, sadness, shame, or other painful emotions.

6.  Acceptance may lead to sadness, but deep calmness usually follows.

7.   The path out of hell is through misery. By refusing to accept the misery that is part of climbing out of hell, you fall back into hell.