Delayed Grief: What Is It and How Do You Manage It?
Grief is a truly universal and human emotion. We will all experience loss at some point in our life. Generally, this emotional phase is accompanied by a variety of symptoms that can significantly impact our quality of life.
One thing worth noting is that grief doesn’t always come when and how we expect it. Some people experience anticipatory grief while others experience grief following their loss. Then you have another group who experiences something called delayed grief.
What Is Delayed Grief?
Delayed grief is an emotional weight following a loss that surfaces weeks, months, or even years after the loss. This type of grief can be a bit confusing since its timing doesn’t directly coincide with your loss.
Grief follows no timeline or linear path, so this version of grief is completely natural. It happens when you're unable or unprepared to process the loss at the time it occurs.
What Causes Delayed Grief?
Delayed grief can result from initial shock or numbness after a loss. It can also be the result of multiple stressors bombarding you simultaneously.
If you’re responsible for handling funeral arrangements, taking over significant life roles, or caring for another person, you may find yourself suppressing grief until a time when you can process it.
This phenomenon can also occur when there are cultural pressures to stay strong, stigma around emotions, or a lack of support. In these cases, your brain attempts to protect you with this delay.
Common Symptoms
Symptoms of delayed grief follow a similar course to immediate grief. They may include:
Waves of sadness
Bouts of crying
Anger
Irritability
Sleep changes or disturbances
Difficulty concentrating
Emotional numbness or detachment
Various physical symptoms such as muscle tension, headaches, stomach aches
How to Manage Delayed Grief
When it comes to any type of grief, you need to utilize strategies that work for where you’re at. While it can be a unique journey, here are some strategies others have found helpful:
Acknowledge Your Grief
Recognize what you're feeling and acknowledge that these feelings are valid. Whether it comes immediately following the loss or long after, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. All emotions can come up, and it’s important not to judge them.
Allowing yourself to feel these emotions, no matter how difficult it may be, will help you process your journey more effectively. Trying to avoid or suppress them will only make them last longer and potentially create more problems for you.
Have Open Discussions
Experiencing grief can be an isolating process. Some people don’t know what to say or how to bring it up. When you keep it inside, others may assume you prefer being left alone.
Don’t be afraid to share your feelings with those in your support system. It’s okay to bring your friends and family into your space to help you through the challenges that lie along the way. Talking out loud helps process the emotions associated with grief.
Create a Ritual
When you lose someone, many aspects of life can feel that emptiness. Finding ways to honor that person in a meaningful way can help create healing, and keep the memory of your loved one alive.
Practice Self-Compassion
No matter what happens, or which course your grief journey takes, give yourself grace. Be gentle during times of struggle. Practicing self-compassion during this period is a necessity for healing.
Explore Professional Help
Grief follows no timeline and has no specific rules. While time can soften these wounds, you don’t have to suffer during your healing process.
Working with a therapist for grief counseling can guide you through the rough patches more effectively. Together, we can establish a personalized plan including identifying triggers and building coping mechanisms.
If your grief starts to feel persistent or overwhelming to the point where your quality of life is declining, let’s chat.