What Is Perfectionism?

The Problem with Being Perfect

In today’s culture, we have made it a priority to celebrate success and flawless achievements. We aim to be the best version of ourselves, making perfection a goal in the process.

Striving for excellence is not inherently bad but problems arise when the drive to be perfect becomes all-consuming. Burnout, stress, anxiety, eating disorders and feelings of inadequacy can blossom from the pursuit of perfection.

So, what exactly is perfectionism, and where does the line get drawn between healthy and unhealthy behaviors?

What Is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a trait often characterized by self-inflicted high standards. The harshest critic in your life is you! Anytime you fall short of meeting those high standards or make a mistake, your inner dialogue is unrelenting and cruel. You need to have control over all situations, and anything less than perfect feels like a failure. 

The Types of Perfectionism

When exploring perfectionism, there are typically three types.

Self-oriented perfectionism is when you hold yourself to unrealistic standards. You are the main source of your own criticism.

Other-oriented perfectionism is when you hold others to your own, possibly unattainably high standards. If they fall short, it causes you to feel frustrated towards them.

Socially prescribed perfectionism occurs when you hold a belief that others are expecting you to live up to perfect standards. This skewed perception can place a great deal of pressure on your shoulders.

The Two Sides to the Story

At face value, perfectionism may seem like it could be relatively harmless. You set high goals for yourself and strive to do well. You are hardworking and driven.

The unfortunate downside of being a perfectionist is the emotional toll it can take. It creates very rigid boundaries that can start to close in on you.

Perfectionists struggle to view mistakes and failures as opportunities, often considering them to be personal flaws. Having this constant drive for perfection can lead to decreased pleasure and burnout.

There’s also an element of procrastination that occurs. Your fear of failure can delay task initiation, or in extreme circumstances, cause indefinite holds. You may even avoid trying things you’re not initially good at because you can’t tolerate the discomfort. 

Where Does Perfectionism Come From?

There isn't one single source for the onset of perfectionism. It could be a result of your upbringing, society influences, religion or certain personality traits.

If you grew up in an environment where praise and approval were conditional on performance, it’s more than possible that you’ve learned to embrace the idea of perfection. Social media also plays a role in glorifying this effortless, flawless life that is rarely attainable. In Utah, the LDS religion encourages striving to be a better version of yourself, and that in the afterlife you can become perfect. Unfortunately, some LDS members put pressure on themselves to achieve this now! 

Managing Perfectionism

If you’re starting to realize that perfectionism is causing you grief and a strain on your quality of life, we have good news for you! Perfectionistic behaviors can be managed with the right awareness and effort. You can shift your energy into something healthier.

Start practicing self-compassion. Give yourself grace and the same understanding you would give to a friend facing failure. Tolerate or even embrace your mistakes and view them as opportunities for growth and learning or simply acknowledge that making mistakes is part of being human! When you notice that critical inner dialogue, take a deep breath, remind yourself you are human and that you deserve kindness and compassion too!

Seeking Professional Guidance

When your perfectionist traits grow out of control and begin to cause problems, seeking outside guidance or anxiety therapy from a professional can be beneficial. During therapy sessions, we can address the underlying cause of your perfectionism and establish personalized coping strategies that will allow you to accept your own humanness, be comfortable with still striving for things in life, while also accepting your flaws and short-comings. 

Realigning your values with growth over the outcome and embracing any imperfections will bring new balance to your life. Reach out to us to get your journey started.